Rekindling Hope through Emotional Honesty

What happens when the simple question "How are you?" becomes an emotional burden? Our guest takes us on a heartfelt exploration of this very question as she recounts the immense struggle of navigating life after the devastating loss of her son in 2008. Sharing her deeply personal story, she reflects on the societal masks we wear to hide our true feelings, compelled by a culture that often shuns vulnerability. Despite the progress in conversations about trauma and emotional well-being, she underscores that in 2024, many still grapple with the courage to express their authentic emotions without the fear of making others uncomfortable.

With raw honesty, our guest, now a coach, highlights the transformative journey from despair to healing. She emphasizes the importance of safe spaces and communities that embrace vulnerability, rather than shun it. Through her story, she challenges us to rethink our approach to emotional expression and the necessity of compassionate listening. Her journey is a powerful call to action for fostering environments where genuine feelings are not only accepted but welcomed. Join us as we explore how her path to healing offers a beacon of hope for those seeking authenticity amidst societal expectations.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

I remember, probably a couple weeks, you know, after my son passed, and being home and needing to go grocery shopping, and I went into Whole Foods and you know, I know I had this terrible frown, you know, on my face and I remember the cashier asked me how was I doing? I just said fine. And he says, are you sure? And I said yes, I'm fine. And I realized that, you know, I did the socially acceptable thing. I said I'm fine because what if I would have said my son died, there's nothing that he could do. He's doing his job, he's cashiering, he's getting us out, you know, getting us to pay for our groceries and checking us out, and I just don't know, like what I could have said differently, but of course I wasn't fine. And then I started thinking about the social, you know, expectations. When someone asks how we're doing, we always say I'm fine, I'm good. How are you? You know, we're taught to mask our feelings and that's one thing that I learned from losing my son is how the world can be such a mask and so much of the time we're wearing masks and pretending that we're fine when we're not, because, sadly, people don't always want to hear what you're going through anyway, especially because it can interfere with them feeling good or it can cause them to feel things that they don't want to feel. So you know, I told him that I was fine and I went home and I said, wow, this is going to be hard, this is going to be hell, because a lot of times they're going to be lying, like I lied to my clients the other day and said I was doing fine and then here I am at the grocery store saying I'm doing fine and I'm not. I'm broken, I'm devastated, my heart hurts and I'm numb, and then I'm angry and I'm defeated and I'm all these emotions right. Everything's just coming out and I have to put on this front in society and it was the hardest thing to do, but I did it and it was like so it created more sadness. So at first and I thought this is really crazy remember this is 2008 and social media wasn't what it was then and people weren't really talking about feelings and trauma and stuff like they are now and it's still hard topics. Now I'm a coach and I do readings. I still see people struggle with talking about hard things and sad things and trauma and you know it was very much a trying time.

Speaker 1: 2:43

And we were in the spiritual community. There were still all the spiritual bypassing people pretending that that they could just handle anything when they really couldn't. And they were hiding pain and hiding emotions and hiding fears and just trying to act like they're unbothered. And I just said, wow, I'm going to really have a long, painful road if I don't pull together enough resources to keep me sane. It's going to make me not want to be on this earth.

Speaker 1: 3:16

And so I started examining how to help myself, which I found the a path, which I will talk about in videos. And then I just realized, whoa, if I didn't find a path, I probably wouldn't be around today, because we are not equipped enough as society still in 2024, to really put ourselves out there. And you know I had to learn to be in safe places and you know social media isn't always safe. But I said I'm going to do it anyway, because it's 16 and a half years, I'm farther along. But we need safe spaces and places and safe people to tell our story too. And that makes a difference. And I realized, going out in the world, none of of this is safe. It really isn't. And so I was just living the facade of I'm okay, when I really wasn't.