Grief Coaching and Spiritual Living

When Anger Becomes a Healing Force

Dr. Donna

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Ever wondered why anger gets such a bad rap? Our latest episode peels back the layers of this often-misunderstood emotion, revealing its surprising role in personal healing and growth. We are joined by a courageous guest who shares their deeply personal journey with anger, especially in the aftermath of traumatic loss. Hear how societal pressures, particularly on women, can turn anger into a silent adversary, leading to hidden emotional and physical distress. Yet, by facing anger head-on, our guest found liberation and a path to genuine healing, discovering the unexpected strength in validating their own rage.

Our conversation ventures into the transformative power of acknowledging anger as a vital emotion rather than suppressing it as something negative or shameful. Through our guest's poignant narratives of grief and rage, learn about the importance of allowing anger to surface safely and constructively. This episode offers not just stories, but also insights into how anger can protect deeper wounds and serve as a catalyst for rediscovering joy and purpose. Join us for a compelling exploration of how embracing the full spectrum of emotions can lead to profound personal growth and healing.

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Speaker 1:

Let's talk about anger. I actually love anger. I love anger because it's that you know emotion that we're not supposed to have, right, and a lot of people suppress their anger and they get sick. We know that. We talk about that now. When it comes to trauma, suppressing emotions causes autoimmune disorders. Women suppress their emotions because we're not allowed to be angry, right.

Speaker 1:

We got to be soft, sweet, we got to be dainty and at the time I had a lot of anger of. I had this one kid that I adored, that saved my life and he's gone and he deserved to be here. He was a good person, he was well liked, he was loved and he had things. He wanted to be here. He was a good person, he was well liked, he was loved and he had things. He wanted to contribute to society. And that was all taken away.

Speaker 1:

And you know it took a while to get to the anger. But I got there and I was angry and I was swearing and I was cussing and you know, a few times the people rude to me, I told them off and I I swore at them said how dare dare you tell me not to grieve? Don't let somebody tell you not to grieve. It takes, however long it takes, grief is actually ongoing. It just changes forms, right. It may not always be heavy. What I've learned, especially after 16 and a half years. It's not always heavy anymore, but it's present. But I could. I could laugh now, I could tell jokes, I can enjoy life now. I could dance, I could sing. I'm a horrible singer. I could do all those things, but in the beginning I could not. For many years it was very hard. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want. To date, I didn't want to do nothing. But I remember the anger and I said, wow, I need to write about this anger. And I really talked to the anger and I validated it and I told myself that I had a right to be angry, to be screaming angry. There's times that I was just alone in my home and I would just scream and you know, I allowed for that and I allowed for the rage and it was freeing because if I didn't validate the anger, I wasn't going to heal. And anger is a valid emotion. We have to stop treating it as just negative or violent or bad. It's only bad when you hurt someone with it. You know, even if you hurt yourself or other people with it, then anger is really bad and we should always feel comfortable enough to seek help when we're angry. But we have to realize that feeling anger is a real emotion that we have a right to feel, because on the other side of anger is what sadness? And we know that anger is just the bodyguard, the protector of sadness.

Speaker 1:

People who walk around angry are in a lot of pain and I remember being angry. Of course, under all that anger is pain. I've been devastated, I've been hurt, I've been let down and what I would say is, when somebody was uncomfortable with my anger, I said just step away from me, I don't care if you talk to me again, but I'm gonna have these feelings. I have a right to these feelings and I allowed for the rage to come out, you know, in healthy ways. There's always healthy ways to do it and find someone to help you, find some professional out there to help you deal with the anger, but do not ignore it. You will make yourself sick and I knew these things back in 2008 because I've always read a lot of medical journals and stayed a front, even though I was in the spiritual community and went to chiropractor school. I knew if I didn't deal with my emotions I was gonna have a lot of health problems, I was gonna be depressed and suicidal, and so I knew I had to face everything that I was feeling and I gave myself permission to be angry and I've carried that on in life.

Speaker 1:

Whenever I've had anger, I look at it, I examine it, I meet it face on, I talk to it, I look at where it's coming from, and I did a lot of that then because there are a lot of many little stories.

Speaker 1:

You know that my son was through, he was there through so much and now he's gone and you know I was able to provide more of a life. I wanted to, as I for him as I got out of school and you know I just felt like, whoa I, if I don't feel this defeat, this anger, this hurt, I'm going to be stuck forever. So if you're angry about anything, face it, talk to it, meet it, journal about it, cry it out, scream it out. Find a punching bag. You know, find a punching bag. Don't punch on people, don't take it out on other people, because it's not them that's causing this and nobody has the right to suffer somebody else's anger. That's unfair. But meet your anger and talk to it and hug it, and hug that person that's in pain. Hug that sadness, because once you get through the anger, you could get to the sadness and you could start healing.