Grief Coaching and Spiritual Living

Creating Sanctuary: The Art of Holding Space for Healing and Self-Care

• Dr. Donna

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Discover the transformative power of holding space with me, Dr. Donna, as we navigate the profound journey of grief and healing. Have you ever wondered how being present without judgment can create a sanctuary for emotional expression? Join me to master the art of creating safe, nonjudgmental environments, both for yourself and others. Through years of trauma-informed and spiritual work, I offer insights into being fully present and the immense strength found in silence. Empower yourself and others to work through emotions with dignity and respect, acknowledging that each person's grief journey is unique.

Grief has no timeline, and self-care remains essential amidst emotional challenges. This episode highlights the importance of holding space for self-care through introspection and seeking professional support. Empathetic individuals often face the challenge of absorbing others' energies, which can trigger unresolved feelings. I delve into recognizing these signs and the need for personal boundaries. Embrace our interconnectedness while safeguarding your well-being. Gain practical steps to support loved ones without losing yourself in the process, transforming your understanding of grief into a powerful tool for healing.
This episode emphasizes the power of holding space for oneself and others during times of grief, highlighting the importance of presence, validation, and empathy. It encourages listeners to embrace silence, avoid the urge to fix problems, and recognize the unique journeys of healing experienced by individuals.

• Defining holding space and its significance in emotional support
• The role of affirmations in creating a safe environment
• Importance of being present and active listening
• Nonjudgmental support and validation of emotions
• Embracing silence as a tool for reflection
• Recognizing triggers and practicing self-care
• Understanding different types of grief beyond loss
• The necessity of patience and recognizing the non-linear nature of grief

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Speaker 1:

Hi, it's Dr Donna, and today I want to talk about what it means to hold space. I've taken many courses over the years about holding space, whether it's related to trauma-informed or my spiritual work, and so I wrote out a list for, and steps for, how you can hold space for yourself or other people. Now, I wrote out this list because it's kind of different from how I do it in a ceremony or when I'm coaching clients, but I figured this is an easier approach. But first I want to give you an affirmation, and I like affirmations because it allows, like you, to really set the pace for what you're going to do when it comes to holding space, and it's something that you could say to yourself. You know, sometimes we need to hold space for ourselves, and, you know, when we're with people that are going through something, we can hold space for them, and the best part about holding space, though, is that it doesn't obligate you to fix anything, and you know it's like you could just be there, be present, listen and let the person work through what they're going through. You know a lot of us who are people pleasers and over givers and want to recovery. We tend to want to fix people to make them feel better, because we don't want people to feel the pain that we have felt. Especially if you're someone who calls yourself a healer more than likely, especially if you're someone who calls yourself a healer, more than likely it's that you're trying to relieve pain from others that you've experienced through a traumatic experience. So let's start with the affirmation and it's a very simple one I allow myself and others to feel safe, to be present with their emotions, to feel and to heal without judgment. I am a safe place. Now. That's a great affirmation.

Speaker 1:

Now let's discuss this list how to hold space, especially for grief. Number one be present. Present. Just give your full attention to the person you know. Shut off the phone a lot of times we're looking at our phone when we talk to people. Be really present with the person, just listen to them. Listen actively, without needing to say anything. Just let them talk.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes people just need to get it out of their system. Even when I've done readings on the line or even sometimes with coaching, sometimes listening is always the best approach because people haven't felt, heard or seen and this is their moment to feel heard or seen. Now, as you do that, just stay present and grounded and then you want to be nonjudgmental, stay in that space. Even if you hear something that's triggering for you, just say this isn't about me, this is about this person. For now we all have unhealed stuff that we make it triggered at one point or another out of nowhere. But don't worry about that. Just be present and stay in a nonjudgmental space because this person is trusting you.

Speaker 1:

And even if you're holding space for yourself, you may get triggered by reliving your experiences and always, you know, have a therapist or a professional that you can talk to. But reliving Really. Sit with it and say I'm safe. And if you're holding space for someone, let them know that you're a safe person to share with Because you're choosing to hold space for them and so that's important.

Speaker 1:

So allow for all their emotions, the sadness, the hurt, the anger, whatever comes up. Just let them experience it and validate their experience. Say it's okay to feel this way. Say your feelings are valid, whether it's anger, hurt, sadness, even if people feel a little bit vengeful. Just say it's okay to feel this way, because once a person has validation, they can start working through everything. But if they feel they will shut down and things can get worse, their feelings could get more extreme. So you definitely just want to validate them and how they're feeling and acknowledge the difficulty of the situation. Then you know, make sure you're creating a safe environment. Stay in that space of this is a safe place. That means you're creating a safe environment. Stay in that space of this is a safe place. That means you're not going to tell anyone.

Speaker 1:

What is said is between you and the person. You're going to really just be there and say I am holding space for you to express yourself. And then you want to be comfortable with silence. Say if there's a moment of silence a lot of times people are uncomfortable with silence because some people are even uncomfortable with being by themselves but if there's a moment of silence, just sit with it, see what comes up for you and then say, okay, I deal with that later. Right now I'm being present for this person.

Speaker 1:

But if you're holding space for yourself, journal about what's coming up for you in the silence, you know a lot of times it can get awkward when we don't know what to say because we spend so much time trying to say the right things. And then you know, once you are done with that, just keep on supporting without fixing fixing it. It's not your job to fix it. You know, a lot of times we're really hooked in on right and wrong and making everything right and justice and I'm all for these things, but some things we can't fix. And I notice that what really helps the person is when they're able to use different ways to help themselves so that they can fix themselves, because then they feel more empowered. And so by you holding space, you're helping them to feel more empowered to fix it for themselves, because in the end they know what's best for them. And when you're done doing that, just recognize that grief or any emotion is just one of our things that we go through in life and that everyone is affected differently and what may be triggering for you may not be for another person, and vice versa. So that's how you stay in the non-judgmental space and then after that you just say hey, give them permission and say hey, you can feel what you feel and you can grieve how you want.

Speaker 1:

And remember there's all types of grief, not just death. But it's losing a job, it's a divorce, it's a breakup, it's grieving, healing, letting go of different things. There's different types of grief. Also, just know that it's good to have some grounding techniques, even if you just do some breathing, just help them breathe through it. Or, you know, do a body scan with them and just have them touch different parts of their body to stay present, to feel safe. That's also something that you can do. And just know there's no timeline. You know, maybe you're only spending an hour with them to help them hold space. It doesn't mean that they're all healed and everything's all better. It's going to take time. Like I said, it took years for me to get to a good place with the loss of my son, although I've been through other losses with my parents and my brother and dear friends, and so it's different for everyone.

Speaker 1:

Grief doesn't have a time limit, like, oh, you can do it for a year and that's it. You know we can also move forward as we are grieving, and so that's important to remember and take care of yourself. Such, if you're holding space for yourself, really sit with yourself, take care of yourself, and that is so important. And, you know, make sure that you have a professional to talk to, whether it's clergy, a coach, a therapist, a counselor, someone you know to take care of yourself if you're holding space for yourself.

Speaker 1:

And even if you're holding space for other people because sometimes we get weighed in where a lot of us are in paths and you can pick up on that energy and it could be triggering for you Maybe something will come up to the surface and that way you can address it. Because if something does come up, then it's like your angels and spirit guides and your intuition is saying hey, let's deal with this. And spirit guides and your intuition is saying hey, let's deal with this. So this is how you hold space for other people. Remember that we all have a connection somewhat to each other, some more than others, some people we want to stay away from, but the people in your life that you care about, if you're supporting them. This is an easy way to do it. I will create a link.